You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
