No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
