holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
