I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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