He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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