Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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