i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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