if i can run in heels then i can drive
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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