remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
