you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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