Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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