Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
