Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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