my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
