Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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