we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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