Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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