I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
