I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
