Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
