Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
