didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
