so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
