His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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