she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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