you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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