i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
