So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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