So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
