we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
