How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
