Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
