I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
