I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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