Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
