Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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