whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
