1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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