life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
