I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
