drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet