It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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