Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
