4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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