when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
