We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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