I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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