Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
