This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize