ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
