I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
