I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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