One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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