Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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