Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
