I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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