the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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