remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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