you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
