So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
