yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
