having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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