Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
