Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
being pregnant is like rehab
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
