Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
