i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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