Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
