i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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