I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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