seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
