my mouth tastes like poor choices
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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