My room smells like vodka and shame
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
