Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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