He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
