Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
