Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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