I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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