just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
