I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
