Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
