I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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