babies were throwing up all over the place
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
