If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
honey bunches of taint.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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