Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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