Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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