sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
