Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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