i always forget guys have bellybuttons
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
